Sunday, February 8, 2009

Deep Evil

Ah, the Saturday night low-budget sci-fi horror movie. This week’s offering was Deep Evil, a 2004 offering starring Lorenzo Lamas. I know, the rest of the review practically writes itself.

In the 1950s, a meteor landed in Russia. In it was an alien microbe. Russian attempts to clone it ( as an aside, the movie uses the word “clone” a lot, but I don’t think they actually knew what clone meant)ended in disaster, and after the end of the Cold War, we ended up with it, although I don’t know how. In addition to the microbe turning into a monster that looks a lot like Creature from the Black Lagoon, it exudes water that it can control, making it form into any shape and infecting anyone it comes into contact with. I didn’t understand any of that, either.

In true sci-fi movie fashion, the military decides to turn the alien microbe and its water into weapons, which is never a good idea. If it were policy to have military decision makers watch a representative sampling of these movies, a lot of grief would be avoided. Anyway, they set up a secret research facility near Fairbanks, Alaska. As you might guess, things go awry, and soon everyone in the facility is dead, and the military is forced to send in a team. By this point, BW is complaining about how slow the movie is. She just wants to get to the monster, and who can blame her?

The team consists of a half dozen military types and a couple of civilian scientists, to exploit the movie convention that military personnel and civilians can’t stand each other. As is typical in these things, the team consists of four officers and two sergeants. Deep Evil is even worse than most films on military protocol, with no clear structure, as they can’t seem to decide if the major outranks the captain, and one sergeant addresses the other as “sir”. They also bitch constantly about information being kept from them, which was grating. Presumably, all these soldiers had some form of security clearance, and would understand how this works. In reality, if you are told you don’t have clearance to know something, that’s the end. If you gripe about it, they can your ass.

So, our motley team enters the facility, the water attacks (really) and ultimately things blow up, as they tend to do. You have to share my love of bad movies to watch this one.

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