Hack!

The movie Hack! is probably intended to be a spoof. I say probably since it has plenty of ridiculous-to-the-point-of-absurd elements, yet it isn’t funny. It is also probably intended as an homage to a number of classic horror films, although I imagine said films would be willing to pay substantial bribes to Ye Olde Blogger to keep their names secret. Hmmm…

A college film class full of stereotypes (The Geek, The Jock, etc. They even mention this! It is meant to be funny.) taught by Mr. Argento (groan) make a field trip to an isolated island to … observe biology, apparently. It probably isn’t supposed to make sense. They are warmly greeted by the island’s owners/inhabitants/caretakers/whatever Mr. King (groan) and Mary Shelley (groa..I’m going to stop this, or I’ll be doing it every sentence), who then proceed to kill them off in ways that supposedly reflect their favorite horror movies. There are a number of lame plot twists that may take you by surprise, depending on your level of mental retardation. One more groan: the boat they arrive on is named Orca (groan).

There’s no need for a horror fan to watch this, unless you want help loathing yourself. If you need a final point to convey the utter worthlessness of this crappy flick, here it is. When the female character who is the class resident film geek is asked what is her favorite movie of all time, she answers: Pretty Woman. Oh, the humanity.