Thursday, December 10, 2009

Welcome to the Jungle

Welcome To The Jungle, title taken from the classic Guns ‘n Roses song, is a parody of reality shows where four contestants are dropped into Los Angeles with one goal: Bring back the decapitated head of Axl Rose.

Heh. No, not really, because that would be cool. It is actually an incredibly bad “cannibal” movie, shot in the “found footage” style of The Blair Witch Project or Cloverfield. Except this movie sucks like a vacuum cleaner.

The ad slogan should have been "Get ready to root for the cannibals". 4 young people with the brains and personality of Paris Hilton go looking for Michael Rockefeller in cannibal country, and they are the stupidest, most obnoxious people on the planet. Example 1: they come to a road block where an Asian soldier with a machine gun asks to see their papers. They deal with it by calling him a "fucking zipperhead." Example 2: they read a government advisory about how robbers kill tourists after tricking them into stopping their car by placing a child in the road. They are told to just drive around. 2 minutes later they come to a child sitting at the edge of the road. What do they do? They stop. This would be a good movie to trick your most hated enemy into watching.


Craig Clarke said...

Man, I was excited. I want to watch that Axl Rose movie. Not the one the filmmakers actually came up with.

Fred Trigger said...

Right? I was all excited about how awesome that movie sounded and then.....WHAMMY!

Hey, if there can be a movie about a freaking were-turkey, then there can be one about hunting down axl rose, dammit!

KentAllard said...

And Buckethead is ready made as the mysterious masked stalker, but oh well.

Fred Trigger said...

but in a surprising twist, Scott Weiland shows up as the real killer.

Unfortunately he is too strung out from heroin to actually kill anybody.

Man, this sounds like the type of ridiculous movie the guys on "Always Sunny In Philadelphia" were trying to make. Minus "the most underrated actor, Dolph Lundgren"

KentAllard said...

With Erin Everly as the mysterious femme fatale. I think we've got the movie, we just need to line up the financing and we're ready to shoot.